Party Party?

Nothing beats a good night's sleep and waking up a winter's morning to a nice cup of chocolate. Well; I didn't sleep that well and I had to make the chocolate myself, but I'm fine with that.

There will be a birthday party for my cousin today and I'm gonna attend. I'm not expecting sandwich cake, but damnit if there isn't any cake at all! I feel as if I have the right to be spoiled. I don't even have a gift. I trust the other relatives are fine buying those insanely expensive kid toys. I mean; the kid doesn't even know who I am anyway. If I had a job and some heads up at least a week before the party, I would have given him something considerate and fun, but at the moment he'll have to settle with my presence and attempts to actually be nice. I'm not good with kids, at all.

To top it off, my family aren't thrilled about my choice of partner either. I wonder if they'd be happier with a girl. Regardless, I'm always the oddball. So today my humongous brother is going to pick us up and bring us there. No offence to my brother, but he's so huge I'm afraid the car will break down from just him sitting in it. The last time I saw him before the last time I saw him he had lost some weight and looked like he was on the right way. Now he looks like a moving mountain.

This brings me to the thoughts I had this morning; completely unrelated, but still on the same theme. I am not sad that I am thin. I've always said I rather am a bony skeleton than a fat cow. And I stick to it. I do absolutely not think lower of any plus size person, but I am glad I am not one of them. The sad part is that I actively have to work on my weight to GAIN some. I'm still ugly and far from healthy, but I rather it to be this way.

By announcing my opinion I am very well aware that I'm getting one step closer to becoming a fat cow (fat cow = morbidly obese with a horrible mind and personality) as I am sure one day my body will start to gain fat instead of rebuilding myself with muscles. But at the moment I rather see the good side of being so thin you blow me away with your breath while talking facing me. I think it's more of a psychological dilemma if you are big and try to get smaller. Especially since heavy people have heavy builds that has been building from the strain of being big, which makes it impossible for them to reach the "ideal" size that very rarely is realistic. Thin people don't have those judgemental eyes following them (except for some hungry eyes longing for the size, unknowing about the hazards of being freakishly thin) and they aren't pressured by the surrounding and their own ideal in the same way or as much since they naturally had little problem with it to begin with. Therefore (and by watching - some of - my plus size friends struggle with their weight for their health's sake) I think they have a really hard time.

Most extremely thin people were originally thin and then got some kind of disorder. It's no fun for them either since you kinda have to work really hard to be that thin and you eventually end up on the brink of death every single day. Nobody should want that, noone should be forced into that position either.

"you are fine as you are" is a very good line, but I actually do not think it applies to morbidly underweight people. They are NOT fine being like that; they are killing themselves slowly through torture. The personality is what is important but if you are weighing more than 200kg or under 45kg, you most likely need help physically for your own sake, and for those who care. Unless you're a midget or a 225cm athlete.

Personally, I am working myself out of this hell hole state of my body, and I am only a little too thin. Eating right is harder that it seems to some, be it fat or too slim.

I'm ranting too much...

Home once again

I am back from my little getaway to northern parts. There was some more snow up there, and more than twice the cold. When I got off the train I thought it was WARM. I guess you get some perspective after 1 month with -10 to -29 as the cold range.

I am kinda glad that my scale is out of batteries. When I look into the mirror it looks like my tummy is just loose skin stretching in between my pelvis and ribcage. not too beautiful no.

I've been thinking about investing some in a swimming pass at the local swimming hall. It's way too expensive for my taste though, but I really need to start working out and as frail as my body is, I think swimming seems pretty ideal.

I saw The passion of Christ today, or tonight. It is directed by Mel Gibson and he also wrote the screen play to top it off. Very well made movie. I recommend it even though I myself is everything BUT religious. It's a good movie, though it helps if you have read the book.

I guess I'll be signing off then. G'night.