I have ever since one year ago, well, almost at least with a few days to go, known just how incredibly lucky and fortunate I am. My physical health is getting worse and worse by the day more or less, and the strain gets harder and harder to bare, but in the midst of all of this I am one of the luckiest people in this country.
I have the fortune of having someone close to me, close in every way anyone could ever imagine and then some. Imagine a "perfect" relation, and that is what I am granted.
This last week has been horrible for me, physically, and through that time I had my beautiful beloved one at my side, not during the first incident due to the distance, but as soon as possible in person and in heart meanwhile. It is such a great blessing I have to be loved by such a person with the entire aura and essence screaming that this person was made for me, and I too, was made for it.
If I was a religious person I would have though this person was heaven sent, since it is just the one I have been searching for all of my two decades upon this earth. But I am not religious, and it is more due to chance than fate, yet this person is exactly what I ever wanted. I never thought love could actually be as cliché as this, but I am truly loved, and though being loved by at least two more people at some points of my life, hopefully still, it is only since one year ago that I truly can feel it.
The most lovely point of all of this, is that I know just how lucky I am and I am actually fearing death for the first time of my life, because I absolutely do not want to loose a single second together with this person. Every second is a gift of joy.
The best way I could describe it is everything you ever imagined love and joy to be like. Every cliché, every love song, every single little feeling of security. I can not really put to word the feeling when you wake up one night, with the heart beating as if it was about to stop any second if it wasn't struggling as hard as it does, and every breath feels like breathing in void from the abyss; it lays a heavy burden upon the chest and lugs. The head is spinning, you feel nauseous and it is as if you are falling though you are laying still in the bed. When death, fear - no - terror and darkness in breathing in your face, almost like an ironic life-rescuing kiss that will kill you instead of breathing the life into you, it is then waking the one by your side to hold your hand until you dare fall asleep without fear of never waking up again, it is then you feel love.
Of course there are other people very dear to me, one reading this blog, and one I think occasionally peeks in. I hope they are aware of their value to me and patiently wait for their time in the spotlight; I know how lucky I am to have you too.
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