Lost potential

I went to see mo oldest friend (that actually wants anything to do with me) Yonas yesterday and dressed very improperly for the occasion; wore my leather boots that I haven't worn in yet. Needless to say my heels are sore..? Both of us being broke, we wandered about for a while, talked and then went over to his place, had dinner, listened to music, sang and youtubed some. It was a fun relaxing evening. Though, about the time I was gonna take the tramcar to the bus home, his roommate said "such a pity you missed Idol today" and thus we found out that yesterday and today were the auditions held for the swedish Idol. So I spent the night there and went with Yonas in the morning instead. it went kinda fast for being Idol and I was done in "only" 4 hours.

I don't think I need to say I didn't go through. I did a horrible performance in the precasting. They guys were kind though to say "you sing really nice" but they didn't think I had that "little extra" to make me a star. Which basically means I'm not beautiful or "talented" enough. In a crowd, on a stage there's nothing wrong with my voice. That's the only thing I'm confident about, and I guess it showed. But I think they must have been a little tone deaf if they didn't think I performed poorly. I can feel how every note does not place right in my throat, coming out my mouth all weird and not as it should.

I'm not very taken by the turn down, but I have lost a little faith in myself. I feel very confident about the fact that I'll never stand on a big stage. My one dream will mot likely never be realized. I'll probably live though my entire body screams for singing into people's hearts. I can't say a life without music would not hollow me out completely, because it would. I'm not an attention whore and I have somewhat of a brain. Maybe that's what's wrong with me?

I'm not outstanding. I've never been, I'll never be either.

"Claim the sunshine light my li(f)e,
everything I know has been a lie.
I'll never be what you wanted,
I'll never be like you wanted.
I am a shadow and that is true.
And I'm so happy to be here...
...when they kick my ass."
- "Cry the short version" by Me.

I'm feeling both driven to prove them wrong, and act towards my dream and completely sucked out, lost faith in everything anyone tells me. I will probably never trust someone saying I should be a star. I'm just not that good.

I'm lost potential,
something good gone to waste.
What should I believe in
when all I hear is lies?