The Bird in a Cage

I really feel caged today. I really want to sing, I really want to make music; it's flowing through my veins, just waiting to get to make it's way out.

But I'm terribly bad at it. I sit with the instruments, and everything that emerges from my hands is shit. I can hear how it doesn't come out right. I suppose my dreams to become a musician are all fading away. True that I have to practice every day, but it's not very inspiring to sit alone with broken instruments and make music noone will ever hear.

What's making me feel even worse is the fact that I've been supported. For what? I'm not that special, I just slightly better at karaoke than the average person. I sing with feeling? Not really, you're just blinded by affection towards me. Every time I record myself it sounds like shit. I get headaches just from listening to myself sing. It was very naïve of me to think I'd have a future in music.

I've been trying to learn a Haste the Day song called  "Mad men" and it sounds terrible. I feel ashamed while I sing. Sadly though, I really want to learn how to sing it and make a cover on it. But I suppose it would be a disgrace to both me and the band who made it originally.

This isn't supposed to be a whine blog, but it's my feeling as they are now.