More sensless whining

Do I really know what to make of myself? How do I become more serious without getting crushed by failure in life. I never became what I wanted. None of the things I aspired to be. I'm not a singer songwriter, heck, I'm not even a musician. I'm not a certified graphic designer/hired artist. I'm not a doctor. I'm, at this point, nothing.

I'm a waste of skin. I could have been so much, but this crappy body just put an end to it. Yet I'm filled with so much lust to live. But what for? I'm a social retard, and I'm living on starvation (almost at least, I'm just too good at using what little I have in an efficient way) as well as I am unable to do the things I want to do.

I'm walking in a haze. My hands, my mouth and my body move all on their own.

"Look at the shell that is you.
Empty, fragile, weak.
Soon the battle is over,
Lost to Apathy."

I'm not happy with what I am right now at all. I need to get away from this. I need change. I need a network to pull strings in, so that I can realize what I was meant to do. This bird can't stay in this cage, I need to fly to be able to sing.


And here's the lyrics to one of my songs:





Singing for an empty arena

Someones go to heaven, and someones go to hell.
Someones go to nothing, and get reborn again.
Living is for people who make suffering a fact.
Living is for nothing, and leaves you without a chance.


'Cause I'm singing for an empty arena.
I'm singing for an empty arena.
Noone listens in this empty arena,
I'm singing for an empty arena.


The show is long ago over, and everyone has left.
Singing is for nothing when noone's here to here.
Or was there ever someone here to hear at all?
Singing is for noting when I don't sing for those I should.


'Cause I'm singing for an empty arena.
I'm singing for an empty arena.
Noone listens in this empty arena,
I'm singing for an empty arena.


Noone listens in this empty arena.
I will die here in this empty arena.
I'm singing for an empty arena.



A bit repetitive, I agree. But I made it when I was 13.


Now I'll go and clear out some stuff from my apartment. I have way too much clatter, and I have no idea why I still have it...


Peace out. I'll complain some more some other day.