Lonesome without the other half

Today's been a very hard day to be alone, with my BP rising and dropping all day, and my gluttony taking the best of me... But what really has been troubling me today is how much I miss Foxy. It's at a very deep and profound level, not the usual one that's more emotional.. This feel more chemical. Since it's not really that "more shallow" version that is emotions kinda coming and going which I can shed a small tear and then it feels better. I'm not sad to cry, I'm just at a great loss. It's very similar to the feeling of starving and has kinda the same effect too; I try to grasp desperately for what's missing. Though the difference is, I can't eat to miss him less, and I he's not here for me to grasp either.

It feels kinda odd to not be insecure though. I feel equally pitiful but mostly just because I can't really control this emotion, though I try to handle it.

I don't really know how to handle emotions, should I keep them from showing or should I focus more on how they effect me as a person? I am having trouble with either choice one and one, doing both is beyond my ability right now.

I started this day off poorly with a bad dream too, woke up nauseous and forgot to bring the bus card to the bus when I was gonna go to work, so I missed the bus and barely made it in time to work to be able to finish before the store open. I guess I was "lucky" to plan ahead to take the earlier bus. Did anything go my way today? The cheeseburger I bought was horribly over-salted and the bread was burned, but that didn't ruin much for me, I kinda wanted that cheeseburger anyway. I guess everything tastes better when you're starving.

I don't think next week is going to be very pleasant, unless foxy comes back that is. I'm gonna be working overtime with things I really don't feel like doing, mostly because I need that Saturday free. I would rather skip all the birthday stuff and ditch work Friday and Saturday to go visit Foxy on Thursday afternoon and stay 'til Sunday night, take a night train home and take the Monday from there. But I can't do that, and I won't either. But I just feel so... heavy and desperate without him. It's best described as being dismembered.

I'm too helplessly in love. It's really tragical and pathetic.

Oh, and today was my mother's birthday. No clue how old she is; she'll never get older than 42 to me.