Ranting about mind echoes

I really wonder why I have this problem with people who loath me. The problem is that I want to be friends with them, but they can't stand me. I'm really getting on my own nerves with this because I feel so miserably bad in those situations and I just don't know who to talk to. In a way I wished I was still 4 and my mother had been around so I could run to her and go all "mommy mommy, that guy doesn't like me but I want to be friends, what do I do?". Thing is, that never happened, and now I'm way too old for that. I still don't know what to do, or how to get over this "I have to make that person like me" feelings that I get.

In reality, I don't care. It's not my problem or responsibility to please everyone alive. I know that I'm going to be fuck annoying to some no matter what I do, but I just can't stop feeling so bad about it.

I have a recent person who doesn't like me. I'm not gonna say he hates me - like the one that makes me suffer the worse does - but I kinda got the hint when we met. I just thought maybe I could warm him up a bit if I toned down a bit and tried a different approach so that he wouldn't be completely anti me. Like "If that person's coming, then I am NOT". But I guess I misjudged the situation completely. In fact, it's a VERY good thing I kept as far away from him as possible when we had to share a bed-sofa. I thought he was annoyed because he's an insomniac, and I personally know how frustrating it can be when you're really tired but can't sleep for days. But nah, it was me. I was the cause of those arrows of discomfort that seemed to be launched from his body.

In the morning the one we slept over at asked me why I didn't cuddled up to him, since I am a very cuddly-friendly person who usually freeze like it was minus degrees in the room when I'm gonna sleep. I told him it didn't seem like he was in the mood for it and I was just trying to be as quiet as possible to not disturb him.

I guess I'm a bit hurt that I misinterpreted the situation. I'm not blaming him in any way what so ever. I personally find him a very intriguing person that I'd like to dig deeper into in order to hear his thoughts and views on things. It's not his fault that I'm fuck annoying, and don't have an off button.

I'm just disappointed in myself. And there's not much I can do now, other than keep as far away from that person as possible. It's all to respect his space, and to not make me feel worse from annoying him.

I'm ranting here because I just have to get it out of my system. I can get it off my mind without rambling about it. I wish I had someone to rant to, someone who could give me some feedback like "Now you're just being silly" or "You shouldn't do this or that, it'll just make the situation worse". I never had anyone like that. I don't have someone that I can feel "It's us against the world". I want someone like that. Maybe I was supposed to be the voice in someone's head, not an entirely own person.

I'm lonely, and I find myself so annoying, and I know I'm annoying others because I'm annoyed with myself.

Why can't it stop, why can't I stop?