A drawing madness!

I have been drawing like mad lately. It feels good to draw since I took up drawing by hand again. I have been drawing so much digitally that I forgot how much better I am with just a pencil in hand.

Last night I got myself into a tutoring session in the DeviantART chat and got an assignment to draw from a stock photo (pre-chosen by the tutor) without cheating, in other words just drawing on top of the picture. The whole point was anatomy, but I took the opportunity to practice colouring line-less. It took me about 7h in total to make the painting. I am very pleased with it though it is a bit iffy at parts. It is probably the best drawing I've ever made.

So today I don't feel as sucky as I normally do, and that feels really great. It really is a great joy to draw when I feel like I'm making progress.

What makes me a tiny bit guilty though is me focusing my energy on non-commission art, as I have some commissions waiting for me to finish them up. But I just have to focus on what is important first; what I feel like drawing.

Now I got to do something else... Maybe sleep? Or bake? I love that I found my springform pan! I can bake as much as I want!

G'night, or good morning. Whichever.

Practice

Well, today I decided to go shoe shopping again, dragging my poor little victim with me. Of course I couldn't find any shoes I wanted (why would I? Things aren't supposed to be easy you know...) but we found some sales on expensive socks, that my company so desperately needed. And of course it was a minor snowstorm this time as well. I think I have been cursed when it comes to shopping. Now I have to put my hopes to when I'll go shop with Yonas. If not, I'll just have to wait until the after Christmas sale.

After napping some (being out in the cold cold winter is very tiresome for poor little me) I took up upon practising some realism and portrait. Can't say I'm happy with my current skill level (the girl I'm supposed to have drawn is MUCH cuter) but I guess all I can do is keep at it.

Well... off I go...
G'night.

The cake isn't a lie

My kitchen is clean!

Today I've had a computer-free day, until slightly passed 11PM, which means I haven't even turned on my computer once until 23:00. So instead of getting fat behind my computer I've been getting fat on my feet all day, doing my best to try and clean up in this messy house of mine.

I'm normally a very cleanly person, but with my Crappy McCrap health, I haven't really had the energy to keep everything as neat and tidy as I want it. Being two people in the household doesn't help either. I could let the other one help me clean, but I'm too much of a neat-freak for that. I just don't think other people clean well enough, and since they don't, I rather have it dirty until I can do it myself. Yes, the things usually get much dirtier by not getting taken care of straight away (like dishes) but I know that once I do clean, they get clean! If I can't lick it, it's not clean! (And I don't like licking things...)

Today's bonus: I found my springform pan!
Today's decision: I'm gonna clear out and throw/give away all the stuff I don't use or want.

So today, as a nice end of my busy day consisting of cleaning and recycling plus a bit of shopping, I baked a cake! A very simple one that I've made since I was about 11 years old.

But I also came to a decision today. I am a bit of a hamster. I save everything. EVERYTHING! I have every single receipt I got since slightly before I moved away from home 3 years ago! (for economical overview of course!) And I also have a lot of papers and small stuff. Like medications I don't take any more and empty packages. Not to mention a hoard of clothes I never wear. I save the boxes to everything I buy. I haven't really learned what I am supposed to save and what I'm not. So I am going to sort out all of this. Not today and probably not tomorrow, but I already have begun the process.

I am going to create a filing system for all of my drawings. I have saved every drawing/doodle that I've made since I began drawing in 2002. Yes, it IS a lot of drawings. I don't want to throw them, but I can't really keep them in the organized chaos that is my previous filing system, and I might have to put them out of the way. Mostly, I need to find a way to deal with what I am drawing nowadays... Probably I'll need to buy a folder for them.

But enough rant for tonight!
This actually feels like a blog entry... wow... Well. I'm inspired to keep working on my new public blog.

G'night Y'all.

Random

Waking up from the sensation of your arm being numb. I hate it.

Sleepover

I went to meet up with my friend yesterday, and had a blast as usual, despite feeling not so good. We talked, bought a pizza with more salad on it than pizza; it was delicious! Of course I also managed to miss the last bus home, so I spent the night and most of the following of today with him.

I got to play Fable III, it was pretty fun, but I think I still like the first one the best.... I got really annoyed with the camera; it kept spinning! So I had to constantly spin it back or I wouldn't see anything and it made me motion sick when it span out of proportions.

My friend fell asleep in his sofa, so I stole his bed. Sadly, I went to bed with a strain headache and woke up with a fever headache that ruined my day today. I got foxy to come meet me down-town and help me shop. Once home I got so distracted with eating that I almost forgot about the headache, but it came back worse once I stopped eating.

So now I smell like my friend's apartment (perfume) and have to try and rest my headache off.

G'night.

Drawing like mad

So today I've been drawing like... I dunno what actually...


WIP Guild Wars May be Gay by ~AiZicToXemia on deviantART

And I've decided to make a tutorialish walkthrough of a pic I'm making for a sort of winter art competition. Gonna be fun to see how that one goes ^^;

And no matter what I do, blogspot kills off all my pics. WHY DID THEY HAVE TO CHANGE IT TO SOMETHING AS BAD AS THIS???



How I've been lately? Either I have a kidney stone or kidney infection. Yay!

Well... I'm off to the ballroom, it's time to waltz....
G'night.

Father's day

So, today I've been to my grandparent's place with my father and celebrated father's day. I was a bit worried at first, hearing how my grandfather got admitted to the hospital Friday morning, but he seemed fine when I met him. You never know with old people; one day they're happy and healthy, the next they're almost gone. My paternal grandparents are very dear to me, and though it's a bit "unfair" to say so, they are my favourite grandparents. I really hope they both get to live a lot longer and happy lives.

Feels like I haven't done much else, maybe I haven't? But I got myself a case of toothache. Dunno if it's because I'm teething, because of two cavities simultaneously appearing on upper and lower jaw on my left side or because of a hellish zit-wound on my chin. I took a painkiller, and the pain in the chin has subsided, but the jaw still hurts. I'm guessing it's teething that hurts actually, because those wisdom teeth should appear soon, and it was apparently painful for both my parents. I know I have a beginning to a cavity on my right lower jaw, so if I'd get a toothache because of that, it should have been on my right side if anything... But what do I know?


And about the art part:
I'm getting myself some Guild Wars commissions and am working on the images to my new blog.

I'm pretty much done with the design, but how to turn it into a real blogg is a bit of a mystery. I've been looking at the possibilities here at blogspot/blogger, but so far, it doesn't look very promising. I need to figure out how to do with the archive and the whole submitting a new entry part. If I'm going to use the design here, I'll have to haxx an already existing layout, which so far doesn't make much sense to me in where to edit. Maybe I'll have a better luck with wordpress or I can find a nice tutorial online.

Well... gotta go now.
G'night.

Trying to stop the artblock

So, I've been trying to stop the artblock by drawing my friend Emelie.

Click here for fullview

I am pretty ok with the end-result actually. Apart from the hands, It's pretty ok. I haven't hears her statement on it yet though. I can't expect too much from myself during an artblock. Hopefully I'll be able to think of a good concept to start drawing a comic, as I've wanted to do for weeks now!

Today I've been very good; cleaned the kitchen, bathroom and hallway. It is very refreshing to visit those parts of my apartment now. It's CLEAN! Imagine, I used to have it like that 24/7 once upon a time...

I've also started up my dad's old computer. It's running like a charm as usual, but I do miss some horsepower under that hood. I'm thinking about seriously upgrading it now. The bad part is; it won't be the same computer once I'm done... Oh well... I should eat and go to bed now.

G'night all!

What I've done?

I did actually get some drawing done at my dad's place. Some were pretty good doodles. And I realize I've missed doodling away. I'm thinking about maybe reward myself with a notebook carrying blank pages for doodling. Nothing fancy, but it'd be much better than all the loose pages I'm using now. More expensive, but easier to manage.

And so I've driven in snow, had a fever, had insomnia, had a cold and watched a friend bleach one of her guy friend's hair.

And as usual, I'm so tired I don't even know my own name.

When I feel a bit better I'll post some of what I drew, maybe even colour it.

Cheers.

Sleepless in Seattle...

...or Orust, whichever suits my location best.

Haven't slept at all tonight, despite being tired beyond belief. I even have a tiredness headache.

Today's irony is that I will be driving the very same car I always were wishing would drive by me, for 3 years, as I walked home from the bus from school. The car used to belong to our/my father's only neighbors further in on the same road, my dad got it from them as a thank you for helping them with something, most likely car-related.

I'm a bit nostalgic about the "Maybe they'll drive by?" mantra all those cold, windy days. My neighbors used to pick me up and give me a ride when they passed me, and BOY did I appreciate it, having to walk a little more than 3km, mostly uphill and with one really hellish hill that I still think "Haha, I BEAT YOU!" every time I drive up it myself with moped or car. I don't drive a moped any more, having a driver's license and all... But it's still a small victory to not have to walk up that hill. I have learned how to mentally block remembering walking up that hill, it's like cutting out an unpleasant memory and voila! I'm up the hill! Mental tricks FTW!

Gonna spend my time today trying to learn how to draw women hips and butts.

Good day.

Money and hot coco!

I finally go the money today! So over night I went from starvation alert to having plenty much money. I'm not rich, but it's much for me. I think I'll be able to save some money this month, AND at the same time live frivolously spending. In food at least; I can buy as much food as I want. I drool at the thought. I can buy more olive oil!

I don't think I can stress how important my finances are to me. I turn every cent ten times before I spend it. That way I can afford buying delivery pizza a few times a month. I don't in particular want pizza, but it's good food for Foxy, and he likes pizza so he can have the leftover pizza I haven't eaten. Like this morning; he found my leftover pizza in the fridge and got that silly childishly naïvely happy that I just love and adore.

This month we have been taking money from the secret stash, I did put in some money so technically we haven't gone minus, but I really don't like to use those money, because they don't exist. The main reason we've been so out of money is that I only got half of my money by the end of last month; only enough to pay the bills. I got the other half today. And it just feels wonderful to have money in the bank.

I get really stressed out when I don't have any money. Acquiring debts or needing to take loans are my worse nightmare. I don't want to get payment remarks, or loose my apartment. I'll never get to a point where I'll actually be in danger of that, seeing how I seem to hamster money a bit of everywhere. I easily have enough cash to pay a rent or three, but those are money that are specifically reserved for that purpose. But I never want to use them, because if I do, I'll really be penny-less.

Also, in this household I'm not the only one with money. I just like to think about Foxy's money as money that doesn't exist. We have a kind of shared economy, I just refuse to actually let him pinch in unless he have to. It's all about me.

Another reason for why I want spare cash is that I want to save up for studying in Japan. That is really expensive! The cheapest one way ticket I've heard of is at €500, and that is if you accept pit-stops and changing planes, as well as resort to either booking half a year in advance or last minute with no guarantees. And then there's the living expenses! I do live very cheap now, as long as I have a pretty ok working computer and my tablet, I'll be fine entertainment wise. I just need RENT! Rent is NOT cheap. And I might wanna study in Tokyo. I only know of three schools approved by CSN (the student loan granter) and it's in Tokyo, Kyoto and I think one in Nagoya. I'm a bit confused on where I want to live.

Studying in Japan is but a dream, but I plan to go there some day, if so even for a short vacation. And for that I need money. I want to try to realize my dream.

So anyway! I am celebrating having money with making myself some hot chocolate. YUM!

Working on the webb

I've been working on some CSS training tonight. I also wanted to write something else, but I completely forgot what it was.

Soon I'll have that new design I was talking about. I just need to learn some more PHP and database handling first... if I don't want to just modify the basics I already have here... works for me.

CSS is easier for me to learn since I have prior experience with it. PHP... I get the C++ part of it at least, but haven't looked into it too much. I'll get there.

I really wanna draw. I want to make more commissions. I'm in a bit of a sump when it comes to making up original ideas. I want to make a webcomic, but I don't quite feel motivated with a good enough idea. Anything anyone would want me to draw? I find myself too caught in either fantasy or trans-gender stuff.

Guess I should be keeping at it with the webcomic reading... So much to read, so little time.

In a sump... As if I ever wasn't...

Ok, there's been an awful lot of whining lately, and I can't really say I dare to look back at what I've written, but I never edit and I never remove unless asked to for one or two reasons.

I'm still in the fever mist, but I have some energy. And by "some" I mean I'm still tired, but not "I'm gonna pass out" tired. I don't think I'm running on minus at least.

But my feeding has been miserable. I've been shifting in between plenty unhealthy alternatives, such as ONLY eating salad a day, or only eating one pizza, given that there WAS salad on that one too... But it still feels... not good. Need to shop big soon, but I need some more money first, and some more health. I just don't know what to put into my mouth right now. I don't want to eat, but I have to.

I'm very bored with the looks of my blog. I want something more stylishly me... But I just can't take the time to rewrite the entire css code for this thing. I will try to learn how to, once I get out of this fever mist.

Tomorrow is the last day of work for this week. Then I'm off one week. Will be nice to actually be able to do something for a change.

G'night.

Can't Sleep

Not feeling well. Tired like I dunno what, but I still can not sleep. Sweets is lying sleeping, and I just left his side to write something before I try to sleep again.

I'm trapped inside not only my own mind, but my own body.
This imprisonment, what limits me is not the borders of my mind,
but rather the focus of my body.
There's not enough to keep my mind running any more.
There's not enough for anything really.
I used to be without boundaries,
I used to be the alpha and omega of my own reality.
Now look at me; this hollow shell of a being.
I am now only limitations and bound tight.

Good night.

Melancholic ill artist

I don't feel alive.

I was feeling kinda ok, for being me. Had a small fever and tired as always, but in a good mood and felt ok for the moment being, then as I'm saying something cheery to my Foxy in the other room, pouring myself some cola, I see how everything is turning, or falling together as a house of cards. I think I'm standing straight, but I am falling towards the floor, grabbing the oven handle to brace myself from falling, shouting for foxy to come catch me. Before he gets to me, I've landed on my butt. I'm completely at a loss at why the image I'm seeing is twisting and turning.

If this is what happens when I feel "fine", then what kind of life am I to have? I can't do anything. All my joys in life has been taken away from myself by noone else but my own body. I am my own prison, and there's not enough resources to cure me. Noone wants to find out what's wrong with me. Nobody wants to put down that little extra effort to help me. And I am now to weak and powerless to help myself. I've pushed too far and can't stand on my own legs. Who can I talk to about this? Who will listen and both believe and help me?

I don't want to die. I want to live!

Zombiefied

Sooo sleepy... so tired... I feel like no matter how much I sleep I'm still tired. I almost slept all day yesterday and I was STILL tired. Instead of feeling rested I become frustrated because I can't sleep more even though I'm tired.

Today I've been completely retarded. First I send a letter to a hospital to tell if I want to be sent to another hospital or stay on their waiting list, but I didn't cross in what I chose, then I spent half an hour trying to call a fax. I've done a lot more stuff like that, and all day I've had the feeling of misplacing something important somewhere but I just can't remember what or where.

Also, these last few days I've suffered indigestion, but I just couldn't stop eating. So now I'm bloated and feel both swollen, plump and fat. I know I'm not fat, but I feel fat because I'm swollen.

Even now I'm so tired I don't know what to say or do. I can't even rant off all of my complaints properly, or tell about all the nice things from today.

So, I'm going to bed. Good night.

I slept away Halloween, oh yay...