GONE!

Today I will go away, but like Jesus, I will return. Well... I'm going up to the northern parts of this country for two months. I am going to be in the middle of nowhere with no electricity or running water. Thus, I won't be able to write anything in here until august, when I return.

Have a nice summer!

Lazy day? Or not...

Some more art, I made this today after doing all my "must do"s.

I can't help but to feel a bit lyrical about the cleanliness of my apartment. I used to keep it this clean always before I met my Foxy. The layout of the furniture right now just SCREAMS untidy. It's fine to live in, I'm to tired to care mostly, especially since I couldn't vacuum. Now I can clean everything! And it feels good to clean as it gives me the illusion that I'm actually doing something. I see result, and I don't see that in much else in my life. Even if I complete an art piece, like the Joey X Manson pic I drew today, I don't really get a feeling of completion. I don't see result; I just see a product that noone cares about. Nobody cares if my house is clean, but it feels good to not have dirt loitering around.

And what else I've done today is setting up my new multi printer to check if it's any good. And it seems to be. For that price it's just what I wanted.

It feels a little like my day has been lazy since I haven't cleaned like I've done the last few days, but I've done other things instead. Important things.

Lately I've been thinking about starting a project called "the copy cat" which will be a website/blogg about learning to draw by copying other artist's styles - that's how I learned to draw. I think it'd be fun if it catches on and gets popular, if not then I get some practice at least. But I want to do it to kinda help or inspire other artists to become better.

We'll see what I do.

Now it's nighty night; I have got work early tomorrow.

Cleaning day 2

Well, midsummer was nice. I had a surprisingly good day despite my horrible sleep. It's nice to spend some time with the family without it ending up in tears.

And my paternal grandparents stopped by today and made dinner for us. It was nice as usual; I love my grandparents very much as they are very good people. For some reason, it's my father's side of the family that I feel the most loved by. They tell me to my face that they don't like my weird haircuts and attires, and both criticise as well as praise me openly. In that family noone ever says "I love you" but I still feel as if it's being communicated through other means.

Once I got home, I cleaned out the rest of the apartment. There can be done a whole great deal of a lot more, but I'm just cleaning it up enough to let if be for two months without it turning into a castle of mould or worse. Also I want it to be a little presentable as I'm going to have my neighbour and dad coming over to check up upon it.

Dunno what else to say. I'm silly and lonely, longing for tuesday to come so that I can go see Foxy. You'll have to stay tuned for august since there hopefully will be a lot of nice photographs available for view then.

G'night.

A nice day? WTF?

Yesterday was a very nice day, and it took quite many unexpected turns. I couldn't fall asleep until 2:30 am, and then I decided to go to work early so that I could sleep afterwards before cleaning. I also decided to make up some quick plans for midsummer with my father. It turned out he was going to the shopping mall near me, and I was going there to buy a multi-printer, thus we decided I'd go to his place yesterday instead of today (that sounds so impossible) which meant no cleaning day no 2. So instead of sleeping I started to vacuum the kitchen and clean out the bathroom. The place looks like a mess right now as I hardly even managed to clean out the bathroom or take the shower I intended to before I had to go to the bus. I ran to the bus and went to Torp, where we met up. I bought a printer and we dropped it off at my place before going on a day trip around the coast to different stores.

I had a really nice time, which is pretty rare. My dad pampered me all day, and bought me dinner and a lot of small things I needed (a pot, two potato peeler, a pillow cover and so on so forth) and were intending to buy myself. We'll see if he deducts it from my money he has stored for me or not, but I don't think he will. Inside of IKEA he let me ride on the cart; must have looked kinda silly with a younger middle-aged man pushing around his 20 year old kid. And all through the day we pulled bad word-jokes.

I think my father has been missing me, and took the chance of having a day together just the two of us as he has his vacation right now.

We ended the evening quite nicely by watching Sherlock Holmes together, until 1 am. I'm still tired, as we went up by 7 am. Father treated me to a haircut, which my aunt performed on me. Might not be very nicely visible on the pictures, but it looks much nicer now instead of a messy bird's nest.

I can't help but to feel good about when my father treats me kindly. I don't doubt that he loves me, which is not the case with my other family. I like how our relationship is when we don't see each other too often. I'm in a good mood today and it's thanks to my dad, which is rare.

Now I'm gonna go out into the nice weather and do some barbecuing.

Cheers!

Cleaning day 1

Today I've been cleaning all day. First I got up early to fill in for my colleague whom fell ill, then I got home to keep on resting before I began cleaning things out. I woke up by midday, by my phone ringing. I had left it in the pocket of my jacket so I stumbled out into the hallway, thinking about missing the bus and catching a time, need to work and for some reason I answered my phone, brought the keys back to the bed and once there I had gotten hung up upon and realized I had the keys in my hand. I'm laughing at it; I've never really been such a person, but lately I've become like that. I find it plain weird.

So I started by doing some dishes, since all the dishes doesn't fit into the drying stand I have to do it many times, so I did portion one, then I wrote a to do list and started to pick up all the things lying around. I plucked, and dished, and threw, and sorted all day, and yet it's just barely visible.

Tomorrow I'm gonna have to clean as well, I'm a tad bit bummed out by that fact since I can't get a good sleep; I sleep too little before work, then I come home and sleep some more, putting my day rhythm up a few hours. If I don't, I won't be able to do anything during the day. I'm already bummed out from that last week, I don't have the strength to keep this up. Good thing I'm going away next Tuesday, so that I can get some rest, I need it.

I'm also gonna continue cleaning tomorrow. Now it's far too late to keep cleaning as it will disturb my neighbours. I have some small stuff I can do that won't make much noise. Either I do that before I try to sleep, or I just watch something and relax. I'm not really sleepy so I'm not sure what to do. I'll see.

G'night.

New tablet!

Today I bought myself a nice little tablet. A cheap nice little thing that really worth it's price! At first I thought it might have been compromised and may is better only for light non drawing stuff, but as I used it, I just loved it! No squiggly lines! And it's so much easer to handle! I la-la-love it!!!

I also found a cheap multi printer, and I'm thinking about buying it, but I'm not sure... it's "only" 300, but I just spent 600 today, and I don't really have money...

I'll give it some more thought though.

I installed CS5 today, and MAN was that a hassle! I had to do some serious business haxxing. I enjoyed it though, and because the one helping me was really awesome it was more fun than frustrating.

G'night y'all.

Gholen's Birthday

Today's been so eventful I feel like it's been a week.

First, yesterday I missed the last bus home from Yonas so I stayed over. Not very much sleeping on my behalf as I woke up every 15 min, and it took me 15 min to fall asleep. When we were going to bed at 3 AM I suddenly remembered why it was kinda important I got home; I have an appointment today. So I set the alarm early, and went up even slightly earlier, caught the morning commuter's bus up to Torp, and then home.

Once home I made a few calls, then did some dishes and prepared for the meeting. I even napped a little. Then I got up and away in time for the bus to the meeting, that was supposed to leave me plenty time to spare. 5 minutes, no bus. 10 minutes, no bus... "What the..." I thought and saw more and more people stop by the bus stop. Two girls were in a hurry and even called for a cab. Then it hit me; it's the summer timetables now. The next bus would take me into town 5 min before the meeting. No time to spare at all. And that bus was late too, so I ended up on a different bus, jumped off earlier than I would have otherwise and found that I actually came closer to the place then I would have otherwise. I made it just in time.

The meeting itself actually went pretty well. I met a pretty confident and competent person and she understood my situation better than I did. It felt very comforting.

Then I was off back home. I came home and ate some food, then I called my boss about needing to have a substitute at work when I'm gone, and she was actually very sweet about it, no questions asked and it was just all very certain and clear with the salary to the substitute. Also I got my neighbour to watch my apartment for me while I'm gone. Now I just need to clean it up nice and tidy before I go.

After that I went to gholen to celebrate his 26th birthday. We talked a little, then we were going to pick up his lovely friends, whom I had never met before. Once again, we waited for buses that never came. A very cute girl enlightened us that there had been 3 buses that hadn't come. "Oh joy" was our thoughts. Gholen and his girlfriend needed to go buy some beer and cider before the store that sells alcohol closed. A bus finally came and we managed down town with 5 min to spare. They got their beer, then we had an "ice-cream" at McDonnald's while waiting for the last of his friends. Once all gathered, we went to buy food to grill.

I had a really nice evening. Nobody got very drunk and they were all really nice people. I'm glad to have met them actually, and despite being awfully sleep deprived I had a lot of fun, and took a few kinda very nice pictures actually.

One of gholen's two friends that joined us today. I just love his expression on this pic.


The birthday boy himself. Caught in sunlight.


Karro; a just lovely and very talented musician.


The food.


On my way home I figured I kinda liked how the bus driver was driving (I usually keep track of how they are driving, a hobby of mine) so I decided to try to brighten his day with letting him know I thought so. But when I tired like hell tried to tell him before I went of the bus, I blurted it out so tactless I'm sure I seemed wasted drunk. I heard how stupid it sounded, but if I'd try to make it seem more sincere, I'd just sound even more drunk.

I got to try gholen's girlfriend's tablet, a wacom bamboo. I loved it! and it's super cheap too! So tomorrow I'm gonna go to torp and buy one. It's really tiny, but just all that marvellous to use. Way closer to drawing on a real paper than my clumsy not working properly pen to my tablet. I like that my tablet is big, but the small one is just all that much better.

A picture I took on my way home. I like this view.

Some artsy-fartsy

Today I actually managed to successfully draw a character from my head pretty well. And I inked it too, with a good result. I'm pleased with it for now. I haven't made anything really worth posting lately, except for maybe the drawing I made for Yonas, whom I am hoping to see tomorrow.

My computer is frustratingly slow, so I am going to turn it off tonight. Now that I've been alone I've only turned it off when I leave the apartment for a longer time. I keep it on at night to keep my mind off the other noises in the house. But tonight I think it needs some rest. My ears do at least. -If my neighbour would stop watching TV soon, I'll get some quiet. Hopefully It won't make me hallucinate more than the other days.

I haven't been able to sleep properly yesterday and today, I've been tired but not tired enough to fall asleep, instead I just feel strained from trying. Strange.

I'm not that tired, but I'm gonna try to sleep anyway.

G'night.

Train of thoughts for today

Today I've been thinking about whether or not I am good with technical stuff or just good at generally figuring stuff out. I've been thinking about why I only seem to be able to have a good conversation with people high in IQ. And I've been annoyed by phone hours.

I have become double booked on monday at 1pm. I tried to call to cancel one of the appointments yesterday, but noone would pic up the phone. So I tried calling today instead, and found out they don't have phone hours on fridays. YAY! And it costs me money (300 or so) to miss out on an appointment. The other appointment I can't cancel because I won't get any life-support money then.

Makes me mad. I've had that other appointment for 3 months, what are the odds? The same day, the same time?!

My neighbour is playing some techno-ish music. I think I have a new neighbour. the crying phone lady that lived there before, I haven't heard her in a while. And nobody made any noises but me before these last two and a half year I've lived here. The neighbour on the other wall (I have two walls facing other apartments, two different ones) does some vacuuming hitting the wall in the mornings, but that's ok. it's not very noisy; I sing in the shower. Not that that neighbour can hear it though but...

Well.. That's all for today.
Cheers!

Shopping

So, today I went into the store on my way home to "buy something to drink" with ice-tea in mind. I came out with a grocery bag full of healthy foods. No "noms" at all. I have plenty of that at home.

Every time I shop, especially when I go to a manned register (as opposed to the do it your self registers) I look down into my shopping basket of what kind of person it gives the impression I am. Mostly I just seem like a lonely young person who likes tuna and cheese doodles. Today my basket actually made sense! Low lactose sour milk, müsli with nuts in it, lettuce, cucumber, paprika, tuna, creme fraishe, tomatoes... Seemed like a healthy shopping list. Not much has happened by then so it kinda made my day. Silly psychological thing most of us do. I'm not the only one who likes to feel healthy. I'm trying to as well but...

And on the note of food... I really don't want to count calories! It's such a pain in the hind and it's hard to "guess" how much I eat. I usually end up eating the entire package of everything, just to be sure of how many calories I got, and it's still not a precise count. Like; today I had a microwave popcorn bag for snacks. I have no idea how many/few calories there is in that, but I'm sure I got my salt all right.

These passed few days I've put more calories into my mouth that I should have, so I can feed off of that extra little layer if things go bad eating wise.

And I hope to do some stretching too. If I get to hang out with Yonas more I get to have more fun, laugh more and some kinda exercise since we never stay in one spot! That man's never still! It's quite fun actually. I'd like to put on a step-counter and spend a day with him just to see how much he actually walks around. My feet were hurting when I came home the other day, but I blame my shoes mostly.

Well... guess that's all for now.

Bai.

Some people are dumb. I'm some people.

I don't like being called smart when I'm just knowledgeable. I'm actually very dumb, and I usually stupify myself even more around stupid people. If I don't, then there are two scenarios that happen; I feel much smarter than the others and thus feel alienated because I don't live in the same mental world as they do, they think of me as smart and pretentious in a bad way. When I make myself seem more stupid, I'm still not at their level, but it's easier if they feel as if they are being tolerant and mature. If I accidentally say something smart when pretending to be stupid, it sounds really stupid too, no harm done. But if I'm serious, I automatically start to have deeper conversations. And everyone involved looses from it because they struggle to understand me, which I expect them to and get disappointed when they don't.

I'm not really that bright, that's why it's so annoying when people say I'm smart. I can rarely take it as a compliment. Actually, I can almost only take it as a compliment when I hear it from a person more intelligent than I am, but not always. Mostly I think they're either patronizing me or comparing me to someone really stupid.

But I can understand why more intelligent people like to hang out with stupid people, pretending they are stupid themselves; it's not to gloat, but rather to forget about being smart. It's not always a gift to be gifted. I personally can't do it though. There's no challenge in hanging out with stupid people, other than how to not seem much smarter than them. That is a form of art I don't master, and it's hard to do it. There are two levels of intelligence, and it mostly vary in between those two states; feeling smart and being proud of it/gloating and realizing your own borders. Overconfident and realistic.

Some know where their borders are, some just are aware that they are brighter. Within these two states, there are sub behaviours. Like the realistic ones in their actions underestimates themselves because they are too aware of their boundaries. And some who are overconfident likes to push down less intelligent people while others just enjoy being smart. There are more behaviours but I assume you understand what I mean. I'm at a level where I know that at the times I feel like I'm smarter than some, I know it's just because of my ignorance I feel like that. My inability to see what they're seeing makes me think my vision is the best; I can see any better. But mostly I underestimate myself. I know my boundaries. I constantly try to push them though. And because I know I have a far way to go before I'd say I'm intelligent, I don't like when people say I am.

I don't feel or consider myself smart. I think I'm standard, average and normal. In my mind everyone is like me and have my abilities. When people don't, it annoys me in many ways because it feels like they are making themselves stupid on purpose. Because; in my mind, they can do what I can. It's not a matter of intelligence, it's just like how I like to imagine things.

And one thing I think is really important to know is;
It's a big difference in between knowing and understanding. Just because you know something, it doesn't mean you understand it.

Now I'm done ranting for today I think. I can blabber on for days, but I think it's fine now.

Today I've been requested to change the resolution of a desktop I've made (and am using) so that someone could use it. It made me happy. I like when people want to se my art :)

I'm off to bed now.
G'night.

Busy day

Ah gosh! I'm so heavenly tired right now. Today I've been hanging out with Yonas in this country's second largest city. I left my town straight after work this morning at 8:35. I came home about 22:55. I'm really tired, but I thoroughly enjoyed the day. I've missed my precious friend. He treated me to some vegetarian maki he and his room-mate had made the other day. It was truly delicious, even though I don't like wasabi, it was really tasty to that. Felt very healthy compared to my normal foods.

We also hung out with a friend of Yonas' most of the day, and by late afternoon, I met Yonas' boyfriend Dennis. A pretty famous blogger. He's very sweet and I can see why many would like him. But I can't help but wonder why on earth anyone that'd met him would think he's straight. Maybe it's just that I - as a bisexual - just have a gaydar.

I photographed some today. I'd say pretty much all of the pictures turned out bad in my critical eyes, but I had fun anyway. Sadly I just discovered that my computer doesn't support SDHC-cards. Very crappy, so I'll show you some pics tomorrow.

"El mundo es un pañuelo"
Literally it means "the world is a handkerchief" but it's the Spanish proverb for English's "it's a small world". It's the phrase I remember the most clearly from my Spanish classes in ninth grade. I've been saying it several times today, and to prove it's true, I met gholen who lives in the same city as me at one of the town squares, and then when I was going home, I met him on the train as well. We did not talk to each other at all about the arrangement or the travelling there/home. What are the odds? We had some "Marängswiss" at Mc Donnald's while waiting for the bus home and I thought it was kinda nice. I could have cheezburger. Nom nom nom.

Also, the pic I made for my desktop about Likström.se was requested to be used as a flyer for the site and in a different resolution for use as a desktop image. I am flattered.



I'll never be a best friend, but I'll be the one who's always there, even when everyone else fails you. - Today's thoughts.

Now I'm off to bed. Let's see how long I hallucinate before I fall asleep tonight.
G'night.

Recap of the week

I've been gone this week so there's been no updates. Not that it matters much anyway; I don't have a hoard of visitors/readers anyway.

But what I've done is gone up to visit my Foxy. I would have gone last Sunday if I weren't away shopping for clothes I couldn't find and had to settle with something less because I needed it.

I needed - really needed(!) - to do this. I was almost getting depressed with missing him so much. The first three days I got exactly what I needed; cuddles in plentiful! Serious conversations are not to be underestimated! During this week I got to cook for more than myself (and I didn't have to shop for it either, yay!) and I got to drive a little, under the worst kind of circumstances; I was driving two reeeeeaallly drunk middle age men, playing AC/DC at the loudest volume of the car stereo when I was tired, had a slightly lowered blood pressure and had a splitting headache. It was good practise and I did well - better than I thought I would. I really like driving so I'm happy to take any opportunity I can to drive some, even if I have to drive pissdrunk men who need to stop to piss all the time. It wasn't my car, otherwise I'd never drive drunk people. My = my dad's car.

And it doesn't matter; when you are drunk, you are a retard. I had to pull out with 3 middle aged not so bright people when sober, whilst they were piss drunk. they were completely retarded, and then when I was driving two of them to a rock bar, the dumbest of them all's cellphone broke or ran out of battery, so he was gonna borrow the other drunk's high-tech cell, and neither one were very gifted with technical things like phones and computers. They had me stop the car so they could try to make a phone call, and after an hour's frustration the dumber one said almost crying: "I hate this fucking technical stuff! It's so advanced it doesn't even work! Piss phone! Can't even make a single call!".

I didn't even look at the phone, but I'm pretty sure the issue was that when you insert a new SIM-card into a cellphone, you get a text-message with an installation kit, you need to install it and restart the phone before you can use it, and the number he was trying to find in the phone book - well - it was on his phone; he didn't save it on the card.

But oh well. It was interesting picking the owner of the car up later that night. I was supposed to pick them both up at the rock bar, and then drive them both home, so I was quite surprised when I got a call from the dumber one's wife saying the owner of the car (and the "advanced" cellphone) was ready to be picked up. I have no idea how they got there, and it seemed like they didn't know it either. I'm guessing they took the bus after being escorted out for being too drunk. Why the owner of the car didn't continue on the bus home is beyond me. Maybe he wanted to after party, but the wife didn't want two drunk retards partying half passed one AM, so she called us. It is possible they managed to call the wife and she went to pick them up, but it's a mystery to me.

Well... Now I'm gonna take my splitting headache and head to bed so that I can go to work tomorrow.

G'night.

Food, training and webdesign

My relation with food really isn't very good. I either over eat or eat way too little. I also exercise way too little, so now that I'm struggling to put on weight, I'm just gaining water and fat weight because my muscle still stay dormant. That is not good. I'll just become too heavy for my strength which will lead to a bigger inability to move and which will make me gain more fat... and so on until I'm an overweight fat blob. I want to gain weight in muscles, mainly and namely on my tummy, back and arms. The legs gain muscle the easiest of all my body, mostly because that's the only body part I use regularly.

My arms actually looks a little bigger nowadays, I've been carrying home more shopping bags. But stretching is my main target right now. I'm blushing just thinking about how stiff I am. I can spread my legs quite well, but that's pretty much it.

Today I've begun counting calories, and thought about maybe I should make a website about all my food issues, to keep everything in one place. Also it's a good way of training on making websites. Practising webdesign, yay!