[Silence Me]

I don't know who to turn to; suddenly I am all alone. Lip service friends, that's all I've got because; they don't have the power to do anything for me, nor can I demand anything from them. I don't need anyone, nobody needs me. I want to be needed; without someone to need me, I don't have any strength. I'm horribly clueless. I can't stand people anymore.

It's not the individuals themselves, I am very found of Yonas, Tony, Jixi and some other people, but I just can't reach out for them. When Foxy left for home, I intended to hang out with people as much as I could; I don't want to sleep alone since I don't trust that I will wake up again... But when I am about to actually contact the people to hang out with, I stand there very reluctant and slightly repulsed. I know that there is not a single person around - except for Foxy - that I can actually sleep around. I don't want to hang out with people, I don't want to talk to people, I don't trust anyone. I don't like talking to people; I feel like an electric discomfort and it gets completely white in front of my eyes so that I can't see, especially when I try to look into their eyes. It's like trying to recall a detail that you never looked at in a picture. I feel very awkward and I want to end the conversation before it started.

I don't want to look at people, I don't want to talk to people, I don't want to be around people; it feel it physically revolting, even if it's only a slight feeling. Enough to compel me from wanting contact.

I'm lonely. I hate admitting it, but I am. And it's most likely my own fault, because I'm not the kind of person serious people want to be around. I'm waaaay too needy for being a loner.

I don't know what to do, so I'll just go to bed.

G'night.