Getting commissioned

Guess who's a happycat?

Well, not the pony... But rather the artist who made it; in other words me. I have been commissioned (and paid!) for two ponies now (this is not one of them, the one above is a freebee) and another one is on the way. I'm really glad that people want ponification portraits and can consider paying for them. They are very cheap, basically just covers the material cost, but I'm still getting money! Even if it just was a cent, it's symbolic!

Perhaps it will expand enough for me to make some profit and enable me to live on it a bit one day. That'd be my dream. One can dream, right? But for now, it's enough that some people have bought art from me. My most loyal costumer and several new ones.


The paid ponies:

Well, now I'm off to bed. Night.

Ponies?

So, well...

I just drew some ponies the other day, for no reason what so ever other than that I was inspired by this drawing. And then I went forth to draw one in paint:

And then, also for no specific reason, I drew a personification portrait:

And now I'm thinking about taking commissions for ponies. I'm poor and I really need some extra change, and change is exactly what it'd be. Because if I do the commissions, I'm only gonna take $1-$2 for the inked sketch. And I can consider making banners and all kinds of shiat.

But now I'm gonna go make a journal skin for my DA; I got lucky and got a 3 month subscription for premium membership on DA. Yay! :D

Bai.

Still want to redo the design...

I've been wondering for months now how I'm supposed to make the new design for this blog. I have many ideas, but no complete picture that I feel comfortable with.

Today was only eventful in the sense that I got up at 8am (normally I can't get up before 11-14, depending on when or if I fall asleep), the dirty oven set off the fire alarm, I went to work, but they weren't open today and thus I didn't have to work so I bought loads of candy instead.

I'm a bit bothered by the fact that they don't tell us anything about their open-times. And I have no idea how they plan on getting costumers since it's not up for them to read either. It's a "come and see if we're open or not" kind of thing they're running. They have had extra-open on Sundays several times without informing us, and then had the guts to complain that we hadn't cleaned. Sundays that aren't Sundays after pay-day are our only days off...

So tomorrow I will have to go down there and check if they've been open or not.

I'm actually more relieved that I've been laid off since the contract expired in between the cleaning company that hired me and the coffee shop that hired them. I sure need the money, but it's just a job that takes too much toll on me and doesn't reward me back at all. I've ruined my hands, my shoulder hurts, I never get any information from the shop (like changing the times they are open, extra open event days or that they all of a sudden decided to start building and expecting us to clean up the mess...) they constantly run out of trash bags since they don't order new ones in time, they steal our cleaning equipment and use it up/don't put it back, it ties me down here and makes me unable to go anywhere despite that I only work one hour a day.

Then they decide to not lengthen the contract and lets us know half a month before we're supposed to be out of there.

I can sympathize with them not resigning; that's just plain business. And I did have a colleague that didn't even do the job halfassed, and sometimes didn't show up at all.

It's gonna be fun to see what happens on the monday morning after we've gotten ourselves out of there, and nobody has been cleaning. I'm completely convinced that's what's gonna happen, it isn't the people at the shop that decided the cleaning thing, it's the management above that shop and a few others.

I'm glad I got to work there for exactly one year though. My boss at the cleaning company has been lovely and I can feel proud of at least having worked some and earned a little money (though it's not even half a rent, it's still earned money).


Oh, there was one thing that happened this morning; Well, midnight really but I was asleep then. I got a text message from a person I admire with a greeting from another person I admire. I have no idea how he got my phone number, but now I have got his.


Art-wise,  I'm still working on that vector CD cover. I tried to draw some bunnies for easter, but they turned out so poor, despite having references. Then today I doodled some from my head and it was actually cute. I dunno what that is all about, but lately I do better when I don't have a reference.

Off to bed. Good night.

Vampires don't like spring

Oh lawd did I have the headache of the decade yesterday! I think I had my first migraine.

And to connect with the title; Yesterday I had to go to an Easter-dinner buffet at the social service place I've been attending. Of course I forgot to bring my sunglasses, in a foolish attempt to cope with sunlight anyway. I'm extremely light sensitive, and I could just as well stayed at home stabbing my eyes with knifes. So I had a walk to that place, we had coffee after the dinner on the porch and I took a walk to the bus, then jumped off a bus stop earlier and walked the last bit home. All in order to enjoy the weather to the maximum.

Then I came home, and felt a bit fuzzy in the head so I lad down. When I woke up (in time to go work) I sat up and it felt like someone hit me in the head with a brick. And It kept on all night almost. But when I woke up around 10am today, it had become a little better. It still hurts, but at least I can manage it now.

So, all the work I was gonna put down on this piece:

yesterday well... It didn't happen. I hope to get to work on it later today.

She's not gonna have green hair, it's just a working colour for now. It's gonna be black and have some green shimmering. I'm gonna go see if I can catch me someone to give me some good CC (constructive criticism).

Kthxb

Unemployed

Well, 3rd night at this mentally deserted island (the only alternative nickname is hell-hole) and I actually managed to sleep 3 whole hours tonight! I'm impressed with myself. On the other hand; I was so tired I would have torn out my own hair if I didn't get at least an hour's sleep.

Got a call from my boss yesterday where she said I had to be laid off due to the contract I'm hired on is expired and the ones hiring us doesn't want to renew it. Simple reason. I got to work for a year at least, that's always something and I'm glad for it.

I'm hoping to find some kind of part time job to fill out my economy with. I'm not very picky in the mind, but in the body. The kind of job I could do doesn't exist >_<

I'm finally gonna go home tonight/this afternoon. Although I do like being seclude here, far from everyone else, I don't like the very annoying fact that I can't sleep and I don't have my Foxy.

If I don't get cuddles when I get home, I'm gonna tie him down and... well uh... I don't think I have any good punishments that will work in my favour... But on the other hand, I'm pretty sure I'll get my will's way.

On that mentally deserted island

So, last night I went to my father's place. As usual I didn't get to sleep, but bleh. It was the best night here in a long time. I don't know why I can't sleep here, it's quite frustrating since there's everything comfy here; nice comfy beds, cuddly kittehs and remoteness that gives a nice silence.

I'm gonna stay here until wednesday, since father is working night, and thus I have to check up on my little brother.

I started reading Bleach, I've been avoiding it like the plague after seeing all the fan art, but I've run out of things to read... So I took it up on me to see what it is at least. It feels like reading a comic someone made using the characters in all the fan art, but with a completely different story that has nothing to do with anything. In reality, it's the other way around. Wtf fans, seriously? I'm not trying to deprive the fans of their fanarting or anything but please, I had NO IDEA they used swords, or that it was all about fighting...

And It's way too over hyped, it's a pulling story and it's easy to read, but it doesn't make sense on so many levels and it's frankly not all that. But it's readable.

Now I have taken it up on myself to see if I can draw some fan art that actually could belong to the manga...

(I should probably watch the anime for colour references, but.. meh...)

Nothing more to say really. Gotta go kill the cats, I mean, sing.

Ranting about mind echoes

I really wonder why I have this problem with people who loath me. The problem is that I want to be friends with them, but they can't stand me. I'm really getting on my own nerves with this because I feel so miserably bad in those situations and I just don't know who to talk to. In a way I wished I was still 4 and my mother had been around so I could run to her and go all "mommy mommy, that guy doesn't like me but I want to be friends, what do I do?". Thing is, that never happened, and now I'm way too old for that. I still don't know what to do, or how to get over this "I have to make that person like me" feelings that I get.

In reality, I don't care. It's not my problem or responsibility to please everyone alive. I know that I'm going to be fuck annoying to some no matter what I do, but I just can't stop feeling so bad about it.

I have a recent person who doesn't like me. I'm not gonna say he hates me - like the one that makes me suffer the worse does - but I kinda got the hint when we met. I just thought maybe I could warm him up a bit if I toned down a bit and tried a different approach so that he wouldn't be completely anti me. Like "If that person's coming, then I am NOT". But I guess I misjudged the situation completely. In fact, it's a VERY good thing I kept as far away from him as possible when we had to share a bed-sofa. I thought he was annoyed because he's an insomniac, and I personally know how frustrating it can be when you're really tired but can't sleep for days. But nah, it was me. I was the cause of those arrows of discomfort that seemed to be launched from his body.

In the morning the one we slept over at asked me why I didn't cuddled up to him, since I am a very cuddly-friendly person who usually freeze like it was minus degrees in the room when I'm gonna sleep. I told him it didn't seem like he was in the mood for it and I was just trying to be as quiet as possible to not disturb him.

I guess I'm a bit hurt that I misinterpreted the situation. I'm not blaming him in any way what so ever. I personally find him a very intriguing person that I'd like to dig deeper into in order to hear his thoughts and views on things. It's not his fault that I'm fuck annoying, and don't have an off button.

I'm just disappointed in myself. And there's not much I can do now, other than keep as far away from that person as possible. It's all to respect his space, and to not make me feel worse from annoying him.

I'm ranting here because I just have to get it out of my system. I can get it off my mind without rambling about it. I wish I had someone to rant to, someone who could give me some feedback like "Now you're just being silly" or "You shouldn't do this or that, it'll just make the situation worse". I never had anyone like that. I don't have someone that I can feel "It's us against the world". I want someone like that. Maybe I was supposed to be the voice in someone's head, not an entirely own person.

I'm lonely, and I find myself so annoying, and I know I'm annoying others because I'm annoyed with myself.

Why can't it stop, why can't I stop?

Loneliness

And now for some self-pity.

It's kind of a good thing that I rarely feel like I wanna hang out and do something fun with random people. Mostly because at those times, noone wants to hang out with me.

I'm the king of spontaneous meet-ups only. I'm only good to people when they have nothing better to do, and it's always been like that. I don't know how many times I went across town or just to someone living far away from me (in relation to my age and population in the area I was living in) and once I got there, I found out that the friend I got a call from to come play with, had found someone more fun to go play with.

Sometimes I wonder if all those humiliating things my "friends" and brother made me do back then is the reason for why I almost never get embarrassed..?

I was also the friend you hung out with in secret. "Don't tell anyone that I hang out with you, because I don't want to get bullied". That part - I guess - was because of outer circumstances rather than my personality one-on-one. I forgave people for that.

When there was a "best friends forever" fad going on, I got "dumped" thrice for someone else. I always got asked to be "best friend" I never asked someone to be mine. But of course, getting dumped I figured they weren't much of best friends anyway.

But in the current day, I can't feel lonely. Why? Because if I do, I'll just end up miserable and write even more pitiful blog entries than this. I might even write a song! Gasp!

If I feel lonely there's nothing but time to cure it. And if I truly feel lonely, I think the loneliness will consume me in a downward spiral. I think. Maybe I can pull myself out of it. I usually can, somehow. I probably just.. have to do what I am now; accept that I am alone. Accept that people have lives that doesn't include me. And to most people, I am the only one wanting to meet up at all.

I'm not asking for people to drop everything in their hands to meet up with me, but if I needed it sometime, it would be nice if I could find someone who would do that, without an agenda to get into my pants.

I guess... I just feel the absence of someone who will stimulate my mind, and some warmth. Maybe I want some attention? I do like to give attention, but I just give and give. Would be nice to get some. Sadly, the only time I get some attention and warmth is when I have a blood pressure fall. That is not something I want associated with kindness. It feel pretty miserable that the only time I get some care is when I feel like I'm dying. On the other hand, it's a bit reassuring too; that there is at least one person in this world who wouldn't want me gone.

Now I can't type more because I'll just never end if I do. I'm lonesome, I need to go deal with that by killing off some emotions and deal with reality. I'm lonely and alone, so what. Who cares?

G'night

The sound of silence

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

(...)

"Fools", said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence

Work work work

So, today I've actually worked somewhat for real. Up at 5:30am, away at 6 and starting to work in Sotenäs. I got hired for the day to help doing some house clean-out before it was handed over to the new owner. 6h work, 2h travel, though I'm only getting paid for 6h I got free lunch from my boss and a ride there, so I'm not complaining.

The lunch we had was pizza, and the pizzeria offered exotic food like "havetsleckerheter" and the differently spelled bearnaise sauce and the mysterious vegetable tomay. And the healthy alternative "Valfris allad"- or maybe that's the table prayer? (this section is only funny to swedes)

Funny thing was, the woman who hired us wanted us to clean out the boiler room, with the instruction "This is more important than the kitchen, and everything else!" She actually expected it to be sparkling clean. It didn't of course, the soot was already sucked into the walls, and it was soot everywhere. We cleaned off the machinery and did whatever we could with everything else, and took about 4 hours, JUST that room. Then we had to take the soot-filled room next to it... We were two people on those two room. But it got done, and I'm pretty sure my boss was happy to not have to do that dirty-work...

Once home, I crashed dead. It was just such a nice feeling to go out and work with my body, I really miss doing that, but I can't do it too often because of this stupid body of mine. My hands are crying, I have about five more cracks in them now, despite wearing gloves all day. But they will heal, I hope.

When I woke up I was intending to push up my one hour cleaning job to tomorrow morning, but in last minute I decided to go work anyway so that I won't have to break up my sleep tomorrow morning. It felt nice to do as well.

So now I sit here feeling good about a full day's work. But that's all I've had time to do. Tomorrow I'm hoping for some housework being done, perhaps a trip to the mall (which I have been planning for 3 weeks now) and some drawing.

We'll see what happens. I have to shop for food at least, otherwise there won't be any dinner tomorrow.

G'night now.

Dead on my feet, but happy

Today was one of the days when I actually did something. I went to the big city nearby to meet up with my best friend.

We (me, my best friend, a friend of his and his boyfriend) hung out for a while in his apartment before we left to go meet up another friend we have in common at the café she's working at (intern-ship, but work non the less) and had some "coffee". I tasted my first chai-latte. It was delicious, I could get into an habit of giving myself one as a treat every other month or so.

Then I went home, on a kinda hellish bus ride. First I almost missed the bus, then the bus was stuffed with people. I am not kidding when I say we were about 65 people on the bus, 15 were standing. I was pushed by a black woman constantly talking on her phone, sneezing on an old lady without even trying to cover her mouth, and I was caught in between two women not used to going by bus, constantly chatting about completely boring things. My feet was killing me after standing up most of the day and then the bus ride where I couldn't mode to relieve some of the weight from the feet. my bag was cutting into my neck, I was tired enough to almost fall asleep standing up, or I was just on the verge of fainting. It's a bit hard to tell.

I got home and took a nice long shower.

The end.



Well. something like that at least. I had fun and I got so tired, but it's worth it. I'm hoping for a good night's sleep now.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna rant about the retouch photos I saw in a commercial.

Now, bed.

Tummy Exploded?

Today I think my tummy exploded a bit, painful it was at least... So all the fun stuff I could have done (save a diabetic person's life, shopping, cooking marvellous food...) didn't get done. Instead I worked in the morning after a more or less sleepless night (despite going to bed early) and did some laundry with great strain and pain medications.

I did manage to sketch some though:

 

I've just taken it up upon myself to learn how to draw this character, I'm so terribly bad at drawing disney and I feel I need to get some practice. And he's a funny character.

So, tomorrow I'm hoping for a trip to the mall outside of town to get some usable stuff. Maybe I should remind myself of what I wanted? Noodles, underwear, towels, sheets... Yeah. If I can squeeze in some butt petting in there I'd be happy.

I really need to shop food, but I'm terribly uninspired in what to make... Noodles? Works with me, not so much with my poor little Foxy...

Now; brusha mah teeth. Then bed.

Accomplished day?

So, after a restless night I got up, fairly early actually, both times I got up. I went up for real around 11, followed by a trip to the store to recycle soda bottles together with my friend and neighbour. We also cleared out some of the recyclables I had stacking up everywhere. At the end of the afternoon, I felt pretty accomplished. I got money, I cleaned out the kitchen and I booked a time in the laundry room. Ready to hit the bed, I stayed up a couple of hours more. I tried to doodle some on a disney character. I'm really terrible at drawing disney style. I managed to polish up an Internet-persona or a drawing of one at least. If all goes well it might start showing up here. It all depends on my diligence with the pencil.We'll see.

I'm still not sure on if I should start a new blog or not, I want to save everything here, but I want a different blogging experience. Maybe even something I can LINK to people.

Any-who, we randomly got a call from another friend who wanted to stay the night. Why? I do not know. But upon arrival she had one of her friends with her. Had I known, I would have worn something more than my bath robe. So, they were all hyped up by each other and spontaneity was sprouting into the apartment, and hair was begun to be cut. Not mine though. Then they decided to finish it at the brought along friend's (I guess she's my friend too, but I can't refer to them both as "my friend") house and like a whirlwind had entered, they had also left.

So now I sit here, after have finished watching "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" and am preparing for bed. I have my teeth to brush, then I can head of to la-la land. Staying up and active for more than 12h after about 3h sleep, I sure hope I can sleep. Gonna go up and work tomorrow, then sort laundry, and do the laundry. What else might I entice my day with? Who knows! Who cares? I wanna go to sleep!

G'night.

Back? Maybe...

Um yeah...

So I did a small facelift for my blog. I'm gonna keep changing it until I feel like it suits me fine. This will be good enough for now.

I've been idle for a while because I disliked the layout so much that I just didn't want to post anything. I feel though, as if I actually should blog. Not necessarily blog, but write. I've always been writing a lot of diary/rants in notebooks during and in between classes, on the bus and whenever I had some time. But now that I'm not in school or at some kind of day-activity involving writing, I really have no routine to write, but if I don't, I end up blabbering to oblivion once I do meet a living soul that isn't my "pet".

So, therefore I am gonna start writing again. I know there's not really anyone reading this blog, and I feel like doing a touch-up on theme and how I blog. I want it to be more fun and involve simple comic strips or descriptive images. I want to joke about the butt; the "pet me" butt that taunts me, and does all it can to make me pet it. I simply can't resist! It's so cute!

...

The new header is just umh eh what?. I am gonna modify it later to fit my likings better. I just can't seem to settle on an idea I want to keep.

I'm gonna make an introductory comic about the whole "modern-day vampire"-thing so it WILL make sense later.

Now I'm gonna see what I can do about my insomnia. To bed!

Keeping on trying to make eyes

This would be my third attempt to make a pair of eyes. I'm still trying to figure how to get around the issue with Dwayna in her eye being so small... Perhaps I should tiny the pic back into one large eye instead of two? Or skip the iris and put Dwayna in all of her eyewhite instead...

I'm getting a bit flustered with not being able to make any good realistic eyes...